That’s right! You’ve procrastinated and have come to the realization you have less than a week to prepare for the end of the world.
Never fear. Even the procrastinator can put together last minute preparations on how to deal with this behemoth of an event.
Become part of Team Morbid and select your preferred way to die. This will depend upon the ELE (extinction level event – watch Deep Impact to get better reference of this term) that occurs. It could be the big rock finally DOESN’T miss Earth and takes a swan dive into the ocean. A jaunt to the beach would give you front row seats to the end as tsunamis ensue.
Maybe you’d prefer to bite the big one by camping in the direct line of fire as Woody Harrelson did in 2012. He went down in disintegrating glory from the volcanic pyroclastic flow as Yellowstone put on the display of the millennia.
A pair of hormone crazed scientists might sneak into an off limits room and, in the midst of their hot and heavy petting, panting and horizontal limbo dancing, hit the wrong series of buttons that release a virulent strain in the air turning anemic and iron-deficient folks into blood-thirsty cannibals. What’s that you say? You haven’t taken your iron pills in a while because they interfered with your social drinking schedule. Welcome to Team Zombie! You don’t have to prepare for this. Just don’t take the whole “live people running away from you in screaming terror” personally.
But if those two teams aren’t you cup of tea, Team Survive requires some prep work. If you haven’t joined up with a militia commune in Montana, Minnesota or Texas, then gathering a cache of weapons is a must. Don’t forget to stock ammunition by dates so you don’t use old ammo that could backfire on you. Memorization of Zombieland is a MUST!
(There’s Woody Harrelson again. Is that a coincidence or a pattern. Hmmm…)
Anyhow, remember that the end of the world may bring the end of all niceties. Most folks will shoot first, question later…if you’re still alive. Get that cardio in order so you stay faster than the slowest person in a group. And for heaven’s sake, practice the art of NOT turning around to see if the zombies are still behind you. Run like the wind! Period. If the moans and groans of “Braaaaaaaiiiiiiinsssss” change to sounds of wet, lip smacking satisfaction, you may be in the clear. But I digress. The end has yet to come.
So Team Procrastination, which team shall you wait until the last minute to join? The end is near…not yet here. There’s still time to delay J