But the truth is, I’ve been sitting at “10,000 words from
completion” for about two weeks.
It’s not that I’m blocked. In the past few weeks, I’ve
revisited an old project, started a new one (gulp), outlined the second book in
this series AND another series, finished the first draft of a screenplay, and
binge watched several TV series under the guise of inspiration. I’ve been
productive.
And it’s not like I don’t have incentive to finish this book.
My agent, my publisher, my critique partners, and my friends are all waiting
for those last 10,000 words. Frankly, there’s a lot riding on it.
The feedback on the first half of the book has been positive
– overwhelmingly positive. I have no good reason for writerly doubt to rear its
nasty head.
But like a Cyclops there it is, staring me down with a smug one-eyed
glare, and despite all of my monster-slayer training, this demon is a
ridiculously feisty little creature.
It’s almost as though I’m afraid to type “The End” because
of course, that’s when stuff gets real. The gig’s up. I’m no longer writing “my
best work” – it’s written, and yeah, I know not going to measure up. How could
it? In my mind, this draft is brilliant. Award-winning worthy. The great North
American novel…
Ah, the stuff we tell ourselves to push through all of
that…other stuff.
When I write, I slip into Genius Mode, this magical,
mystical place where every word I write is perfect. The characters are
three-dimensional, life like, sympathetic and a mesmerizing balance of good and
flawed. I’ve chosen the most powerful verbs, ramped up the conflict, ended each
chapter with a page-turning cliffhanger. There are no plot holes – every loose
end is tied up with a neat little bow. The extra words are omitted. It really
is a brilliant piece of work.
Genius Mode is a wonderful place to be, right?
But the gig’s almost up, and true to form, Idiot Mode has
kicked in early. Instead of powering through those last 10,000 words, I’m
hanging on to the “genius” –nervous about the flaws in the story, the character
quirks that need fixing, the clichés that need to be axed. I’ve hit Idiot Mode
too early – and that, my friends, is one nasty beast to slay.
So, I’ve taken the last two days to gather my arsenal. I’ve
joined the gym because hey, if I’m going to beat myself up over writing, I
definitely need to get my physical health in order. I finished Season 3 of
Breaking Bad (talk about genius), and made my husband hide Season 4 as a REWARD
for finishing those last 10,000 words. I’ve cleared my Mac of anything not
related to this book and put it on a USB drive that is locked away in my desk
drawer – and only my husband has the key. I’ve stocked up on Diet Coke and
gummy bears, updated my playlist, and – gulp – deprogrammed half of the shows
scheduled to tape on my PVR.
Drastic, right? Perhaps – but I know me, and THIS is the only
way I’m going to cross the finish line on this book.
So – am I alone in my psychosis? Be honest, it’s okay. If
not, what drastic measures have you had to employ to finish a project? And what
tools of the trade am I missing in my monster-slaying arsenal?
